Okay, I just don't understand Wisconsinites' penchant for decorating with their stuffed and mounted kills. How can one relax and watch TV while the glassy eyes of the dead gaze at you? How can they spend an evening scouring the Internet for good killing grounds and online ammo shops when their recent victims hover overhead? At first, I thought it was simply amusing that so many north woods homeowners (especially in Wisconsin) display their kill trophies.
Now I'm just disgusted. Dead animals do not make good home decor, people.
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This is a beautiful kitchen - very nice! But, what's on that wall to the upper left in the photo? OMG, do they have a giant ant problem?? No. They don't have a giant ant problem. They have a strange affinity for fake dragonflies.
This house has a designated "Man Cave," as subtly noted by the signage. And since this home is located in Wisconsin, I fully expected a room with stuffed and mounted dead animals, a giant screen TV and a wet bar but instead there was this: But "Man Home Office" doesn't quiet have the same ring to it, does it?
Browsing home listings for Wisconsin this morning and found more dead animals as decor. This half-a-bear watches the family eat. Sounds like a recipe for indigestion, if you ask me. (What do they do with the other half of the bear? Do I even want to know?) Deer heads take priority over the tv in this home. The buck on the right seems to be caught mid-sentence. "Say, what's that fella in bright orange pointing at us?" Here's a duck alongside the gun that killed it. His little head is tucked down in shame. "They got me, all right." A turkey watches in judgement while you pour giblet gravy over your mashed potatoes. He hopes your arteries clog. It's not truly a cabin without some antlers and a bear skin. A pheasant posed majestically, as he must have been just before the buckshot tore through his body. Wtf are those boulders doing on the coffee table? Or are they gourds? Either way, meh. Okay this isn't a dead animal but creeps me out way more. Imagine waking up (or trying to go to sleep) with a doll watching over you with her lifeless black eyes. She looks like she's ready to pounce. Shudder. I'm browsing houses for sale in the Twin Cities (Minnesota) suburbs and sometimes check out homes just over the border in Wisconsin because the potential commute would be about the same as a home north of the metro.
Honest to God, more than 50% of the Wisconsin listings have dead animals displayed somewhere in the home. Wisconsinites sure like killin' things. The homeowner below seems to have eradicated the entire male side of a deer family. Dad, uncles, brothers. Got 'em all! And since there's no TV over the mantle, everyone apparently sits in the living room staring down these dead beasts. If I had a dollar for every time I saw a home with a print of Raphael's Cherubs from the Sistine Madonna in the bathroom or master bedroom this week, I'd have 5 dollars. I'm not kidding. Why would anyone want a couple of toddler angels watching them do their business in the bathroom? Well, I guess technically they are averting their eyes.
These cherubs belong in Gemäldegalerie Alte Meister, Dresden, Germany, not your bathroom or bedroom, in rural Wisconsin, people. If this were real landscaping, I'd seriously question the overall design and arbitrary placement of these plants. It looks like it's in the dirt driveway. Where are you going to park your car now?
But, it's not real. I'm thinking the realtor recently purchased Photoshop and decided to show off his/her newfound graphic "skills." What a hot mess. Just because you know how to copy/paste a fern doesn't mean you SHOULD copy and paste a fern. FIVE TIMES. The mulch is huge - not in proportion with the copy/pasted plants. The lilies have been stretched and flattened. Oh, hey, let's stick in a bird bath. And are we supposed to believe the crudely drawn black line is garden edging? You couldn't copy/paste in some paving stones or something? Someone needs to revoke this realtor's Photoshop privileges. When Cousin Clyde is released on parole, he needs a place to stay.
Throw a mattress on the floor, cut a hole in the entertainment center for a small television and video gaming unit and put up an American flag to remind him he's in AMERICA, BY GOD! Welcome home, Cousin Clyde, where freedom reigns! This homeowner decluttered their home appropriate before the realtor took photos. They left some decor on the dresser, I suppose to keep it from appearing too barren. What is on the dresser, asked no one. Yet the realtor felt it important we should know: Gosh, thank you for letting us know by including a close-up shot of the owner's expensive perfumes.
I'll take the house for sure now! This "room" frightens me.
At least it has a window. And a socket for a tiny, dim light bulb. This is the room where dreams go to die, though. |
About Sally FarleyI'm a typical, hardworking Midwesterner, enduring (and sometimes participating in) the passive-aggressive complexities of life in Minnesota. ArchivesLinksAsk a Manager
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